


So Unprofessional

by Lillian_Small



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Based Around the Episode "The Road Trip", Multi, bisexual reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2019-01-15 16:57:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12325086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lillian_Small/pseuds/Lillian_Small
Summary: Prison transfers aren't usually the most memorable of police tasks. For you, it would be the time you got drunk and vomited on Jake's shoes. Jake, however, would remember it for so much more than that.





	So Unprofessional

Holt came over to you and Jake. The two of you had been going over your open cases at Jake's desk before you set off for a prison transfer. You would have preferred to stay and work the cases but you couldn’t refuse the instructions of your CO. "Morning, detectives. Let's go over the prisoner transfer upstate." he requested.

You closed your file and looked to him. "The perp is called Jesse Hermick. Arrested for nine counts of armed robbery but he skipped bail." you informed him. "He was just picked up in Neustadter, New York, trying to pay for a hoagie with a gun." Jake added.

"The sheriff said we have to pick him up tomorrow morning at 6:30. We're going up today and spending the night." you finished.

Holt nodded, handing out a file to you. "Here are the transfer forms. Please don't--"

"Get any Jake on them?" you posed, taking it from him. "They'll be in my safe hands the whole time, sir. Maybe I should put them in a bag in my overnight bag."

"That's a good call." Jake reached beneath his desk and pulled out a bottle. "All the drinks I'm taking are blue." You grimaced; anything with artificial colours was a huge no-no for you. "Naturally." Holt said. He looked to you. "Call me if you need anything."

You nodded. "Yes, sir." He took his leave, heading to his office. You went over to your desk and put the forms into your overnight bag.

"Hey, I hope this is cool with you, but since we're not technically on duty 'til tomorrow morning, I invited Sophia to join me upstate," Jake told you, "The B&B we're staying at looks really nice. It's almost like it's haunted by fancy ghosts."

You smiled. "Why would I mind?" Of course, you really did mind. It wasn’t anything to do with Sophia; she seemed nice, even if she was a defense attorney. You had just been hoping to spend some one-on-one time with him. The truth of the matter was, you fancied Jake. You moved from a precinct in Manhattan about a year ago and he had been partnered with you on your first case at the 99. It had helped you remember how fun police work could actually be. The two of you went for a drink once the case was solved. He'd told you how his dad left him when he was a kid and you'd told him how your mom had done the same. There were many differences between you but you felt you'd found a kindred spirit. And from that moment on, your heart had leeched itself to him. "I just thought all the romantic stuff might be awkward. You know, because of whatever girl your pining over."

Raising an eyebrow, you walked back over to his desk. "I'm not pining over anyone." you assured. "And why do you assume it's a girl?"

"I've just never seen you get this fixated on a guy before. Remember the girl from the grocery store?" he explained.

You went bright red. "I only mentioned her once."

Jake scoffed. "Yeah. Once a day."

You shook your head and sighed. "For the record, it's a guy."

His eyes widened. "Who is it? Do I know him? Is it Charles?" he probed. You could barely mask the unattractive snort that the thought elicited.

"It's not Boyle."

"Well, whoever he is, he must be special."

A warmth washed through your body. "He is." You tore yourself from his gaze, walking to your desk and grabbing your bag. "You finish up. I'm gonna wait in the car."

"Alright. I'll be out in a sec." You nodded, pulling the bag up onto your shoulder and walking out of the bullpen. Once the elevator doors closed, you had to resist the urge to smack your head against them. Hard. Jake was going to bombard you with questions in the car and the more he knew, the more likely he was going to figure out who the 'mystery guy' was. And that would not end well.

 

* * *

 

It barely took five minutes for Jake to start his bombardments. You managed to dodge the first few of his questions until he asked, "Is it someone from the 99?" Your heartbeat sped up and your palms grew sweaty. He was sure to work out it was him (if he ruled out those not in the 'inner circle'). "I know you said it was a guy but I've seen you making eyes at Rosa and…" You couldn’t help but laugh.

"You think I like Rosa?" you wheezed, "I mean, she's gorgeous. But she's freaking terrifying."

"Point taken." he replied, chuckling a little. "It's definitely no-one on the squad, then. Unless it's me." Luckily, you had enough residual laughter to brush it off though you could feel your cheeks burning up your face. "Jake Peralta, the only way you will ever find out is if I get drunk enough to lose my filter. Which will never happen."

A smirk grew on his face. "Never say never, (y/n). We're not on duty until tomorrow."

You shook your head. "So unprofessional." you sighed.

"Am not. I do most of my paperwork and I wear a tie sometimes."

"Sometimes I wonder how you even reached detective status."

"Because I'm a badass hero and the commissioner's always like 'Peralta, you're Brooklyn's number one. Take all the cases'. " He paused before explaining, "It was a dream I had once. John McClane gave me the Medal of Valor. Kate Hudson was there. Also the Ninja Turtles."

You chuckled. "You have a weird brain."

"So do you. Because you're pining over Terry? Gina? Amy? Holt?" he suggested, his voice growing more exasperated with each name.

"I'm not gonna tell you, Jake. And you're never gonna work it out."

"Come on, (y/n), I'm Brooklyn's number one. I'm gonna find out." You shook your head again, something you found yourself doing a lot whenever Jake talked. Placing your head against the window, you watched the scenery whiz by in a blur of colour. And you hoped to God that Jake would give up on trying to figure your secret out.

 

* * *

 

Sophia was already at the B&B when you and Jake arrived. "Hey." you greeted.

"Hi, (y/n)." she replied with a smile. You went to the check-in desk to get the key to your room.

"I have a room booked under (y/l/n)." you told the man at the desk. He typed your name into the computer then looked at you for the first time with a bright smile. "Of course, ma'am. I'll just get your key." He turned to the board behind him. For some annoying reason, you couldn’t help but tune into Jake and Sophia's conversation. "I got us the room of a thousand dolls." she finished.

"Oh, sounds creepy." he remarked.

"Super creepy." They both chuckled. "So I'm gonna go unpack, and then I'm gonna take a bath, and then we have dinner, and then--"

"Doin' it." You had to stop yourself from reacting to his indelicacy.

"I was gonna say dessert."

"Oh. Synonym. Cool. Better." You felt so stupid; you were a grown woman, wishing you were the one having failed innuendos with Jake instead of Sophia. It was as if you were in high school again, pretending in your head that you were strong enough to hold up the main cheerleader in the pyramid. You couldn’t really blame young you for that - the girl had some pretty strong arms. "Ma'am?" You were dragged back to reality by the concierge holding your room key out to you. "Thank you." you said.

"Enjoy your stay! And don't forget to try one of our famous mapletinis!" You smiled weakly before turning to the couple.

"We're gonna go up to settle in." Jake told you.

You nodded. "Cool. I'm um…" You tried to think of something to do that wasn’t staying holed up in your room all night. "Gonna hit the bar. Try a mapletini." you fabricated.

"Hey, I'll join you if you want."

Every fibre of your being was telling you to say yes but instead you found yourself saying, "It's fine. I'm sure you and Sophia have got stuff you wanna do." Jake turned to his girlfriend and whispered something. She nodded.

"I'll see you later, (y/n)." You smiled as she went upstairs.

"Is everything alright?" Jake asked, "Just tell me if I pushed things too far with the whole 'who do you fancy' thing. I'm just really--"

You butted in. "It's fine. I'm fine." you reassured. Jake wasn’t an idiot (most of the time); you knew he knew something was off but you also knew he wouldn’t pry. "You're sure?"

You nodded. "Absolutely. I'll join you for dinner, if you're lucky." You chuckled awkwardly. Get it together, you told yourself. "Go have fun with Sophia. I promise you I'm fine."

 

* * *

 

"Excuse me, sir? Can you call room 14 for me and tell him to get his butt down here? This place is about to get turnt and he's gonna miss out."

"Ma'am, we've already placed the call. He said he'll be down in a moment." Somehow, one mapletini had turned into two. After the second drink, everything became a bit fuzzy. But at least you were having a good time now and not constantly thinking about what Jake and Sophia were doing. "Thank you…" Your voice trailed off as you peered at the bartender's name badge. "M…m…marrow? Mermaid? Mervin?"

"It's Meredith." she corrected.

You shook your head defiantly. "I'm pretty sure it says marrow." You paused before a really good idea popped into your head. "Can you do me favour, marrow?" you asked.

"It's Meredith." she repeated with a heavy sigh.

"Whatever. I need you to call room 14. Tell him that our perp is in this hotel and we can take him back to the 99 now." You jabbed you finger down on the bar to emphasise the urgency. "Ma'am, I've already called room 14. And as I said before, the man at the other end told me he'd be down in a moment." She moved down the bar, probably to take someone else's order. Following her down, you dropped into the seat in front of her, preventing her from moving on. "His name's Jake." you told her with enthusiasm. "He's got sparkly eyes and a great butt. And really strong arms. Or maybe that was the cheerleader."

"(Y/n)?" Your head whipped round so fast that you probably could have given yourself whiplash.

You gasped. "That's him." you whispered to the bartender. She grunted before moving to the next customer. "Jakey!" you whooped, hopping off your stool and skipping over to him. "Are you drunk?" he queried, his amusement of the situation written all over his face, "I thought you were just having **one** mapletini?"

"I did. But then I fancied another one. I had a glass of wine after that. It was fruity…I think. And then," You lowered your voice, "I stole someone's shots." He tried and failed to fight the grin on his face.

"I may have been waiting a long time to see drunk you," he began, "But we have to be up early tomorrow. Isn't that 'so unprofessional'?" He made his voice higher at the end. He was mocking you. You scoffed and raised an eyebrow. "That was supposed to be me? I can do a way better me than you can." You cleared your throat loudly as if Jake was supposed to expect something amazing. "So unprofessional." you said, changing nothing about your voice. He chuckled. "Okay. That was cute." You were sure you were blushing but the room was already so hot that you couldn’t tell. "Let's get you to bed." He placed a guiding arm around your waist and it was as if you could feel every single chemical reaction exploding inside you like tiny fireworks. It was a good job he was helping you as your legs had turned to jelly. Looking up at him with a sort of dazed smile, you remarked, "You're looking after me."

"Of course I am. That's what friends are for." he replied with a warm smile. The fireworks inside of you died off - all of them clumping together and sinking to the bottom of your stomach. Before you had any idea what was happening, words came tumbling out of your mouth. "I hate it when you say that." you admitted. His face fell and you instantly regretted your words.

"Say what?" Apparently, there was no stopping you now.

"That we're friends."

His brow furrowed. "You don’t like that we're friends?"

You shook your head. "No, I do. But I don't." And when his brow creased even further, you found yourself saying, "I want us to be more." His expression didn’t change. You didn’t know whether he'd heard you. "It's you, Jake," you continued, "The mystery man. The hang-up. The special guy." The look on his face was unreadable but you didn’t know if that was because you were drunk.

"You like me?" he uttered. "

Well, duh." you replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "And today was supposed to be about us. We were gonna play ping-pong, drink mapletinis and see if we could find any fancy ghosts." Realising how much you sounded like a whiny, jealous bitch, you stopped. Something gurgled in your stomach but you chose to ignore it. For once, it seemed Jake was speechless. "You laughed when I suggested it was me." he said.

"But I didn’t say no. Why do you think I was so cut up about you going undercover? Why do you think I always volunteer to check over your paperwork? I let you drink blue drinks in my car." Your stomach gurgled again and something shifted inside you. You started to giggle.

"What?" Jake asked confused.

"I'm about to throw up on your shoes." you tittered. And, before he could even react, you did exactly that.

 

* * *

 

You slumped into the car seat, placing your sunglasses back on. Why, oh why, did you drink last night? Of course, you knew the exact answer to this and couldn’t bear to remind yourself of it. You’d been so stupid and now you were paying the price. Jake shut his door, the sound reverberating through your skull, after securing the perp in the backseat. “You did a pretty good job of not seeming hungover.” he chuckled. You groaned. “Turn off your mouth siren.”

“I’m sorry. Is it too loud for you?” he replied, raising his voice. You cringed away; it felt like someone was just hammering away at your brain.

“Jake.” you whined. He reached for the drink holder and held out a bottle to you.

“Want some blue?” You stared at the bright blue liquid for a moment before taking it from him. Unscrewing the lid, you considered if a dry mouth was good enough excuse to stoop this low. But after last night, you didn’t think that was physically possible. Jake watched in wonderment as you chugged at least half the bottle. “Wow. Last night really broke you, huh?”

You nodded. “I only stopped throwing up about an hour before we left.” There was a pause. You watched as he opened his mouth then closed it again, contemplating whether or not to say something. Knowing that whatever he wanted to say would be a stain on your character from last night, you jumped in. “I know this goes without saying but I’d really appreciate it if you don’t tell Holt.” you requested.

“Of course. I’ve done way worse when I’ve been on duty.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Worse than getting drunk, puking on your partner’s shoes then turning up for a prison transfer hungover?”

“Good point.” The hesitant air settled in the car again and you watched Jake’s jaw shift before speaking. “So, last night you said something to me.” Your heart leapt up into your throat and your face burned bright red. “I did?” you choked out, sincerely hoping drunk you hadn’t spilled your secrets to him. “Yeah. You…um… told me how you wished we could have spent time together yesterday." You didn’t think your face had ever been so red; drunk you sounded like a needy toddler. "Oh, God. Jake, I am so sorry." You paused before adding, "Did I say why?"

He shook his head and you sighed with relief. "You just said I was a funny guy then vommed on my shoes." You covered your face with your hands and groaned again - Jake was never going to let you forget that. "How are your shoes, by the way?" you asked, muffled by your hands.

"Oh, they were past their best about two months ago. Picked these up in lost and found. They'll do." You lowered your hands and peered at his shoes. They were illuminous colours and someone had drawn flowers all over the white fabric. "Yeah. Until we get back." you said.

"Oh, no. They'll do until they fall apart. Or someone throws up on them again." The two of you laughed. "Anyway, because we missed out on time together, I want to make it up to you." he offered.

Your heart swelled as you stuttered, "Oh, Jake…y…you don’t…"

"(Y/n), this idea took me forever. Let me have this." You sighed but kept schtum. "You and I are gonna have ourselves a good old competition off. I was thinking we could go to that arcade your brother used to take you to. It'll have air hockey, shooter games and probably some dance machines." Eyes wide, you looked to him with a small smile - he'd remembered about the arcade. "But it's in Manhattan."

"We both have a day off next week, yeah?"

You pushed your sunglasses up onto your head. "And you want to spend it with me?" You were completely gob-smacked; the endorphins were rushing through you. Jake must have been the most thoughtful guy you'd ever met. "It may surprise you to know that I like spending time with you." The familiar feeling of fireworks set off inside you.

"I like spending time with you too." Jake gave you a quick glance and the look on your face confirmed that what you'd said last night was true. It seemed it wasn’t so hard to get you to spill your secrets after all.


End file.
